Monday Night Football

I had just finished putting my four year old son to bed. My wife was still negotiating the terms of bedtime with our six year old son. The bowl game between Penn State and Utah had finished. I was rooting for Utah which I considered the lesser of two evils. Monday Night Football started, and I wasn’t really paying enough attention to put anything else on. I didn’t and don’t care about the Bills or the Bengals, but both teams had decent records, so I figured I would leave it on until it was time to go to bed. They started showing a player stand up and collapse over and over, and I started paying closer attention. I didn’t understand why he was collapsing. I had seen the play before he collapsed, and he did not lead with his helmet or hit someone in a way that would damage his spinal cord. What was happening? My wife came into the room, and I asked her to pay attention. She said, almost immediately, “What if he went into cardiac arrest?” She has medical training and as paramedics continued “working on” the player on the field instead of loading him into the ambulance a few feet away, I wondered, with horror, is he even still alive? 

I continued to watch what unfolded Monday night with Damar Hamlin until it seemed there would be no update other than “he is in critical condition.” As I went to bed, I felt the same mixture of emotions about football I experience anytime I see a player slow to get up after a play or someone carted off the field. Then I started thinking about the connection (if there is one) between football and guns in America. 

We know that both football and guns CAN be dangerous. Certainly they aren’t always dangerous as there are plenty of people who have played football for many years and don’t seem to have experienced debilitating injuries just as there are plenty of people who have guns (including me) who have never shot anyone or themselves. At the same time, when they are dangerous, they are quite dangerous with horrific deaths related to CTE and horrendous mass shootings. There were so many people Monday night calling for or offering “thoughts and prayers” for Damar Hamlin that I couldn’t help but think of the litany of thoughts and prayers following mass shootings. Both football violence and gun violence are native only to America in any meaningful measure. And, with both, we seem to know better. We know that guns are not a necessity and neither are sports - certainly not professional sports. Both are, broadly speaking, forms of entertainment. I really love watching football. I have loved watching football since I was a child. I often don’t love the fact that I love watching football so much because I know about CTE, money, racism, sexual exploitation, and domestic violence - and Monday night, cardiac arrest. I’m not going to let my children play football, and yet I will watch someone else’s child play football and possibly die while playing football. 

I kept thinking about two other things Monday night. There is an episode of his podcast where Malcolm Gladwell talks about a University of Pennsylvania football player dying from suicide a few years ago. The player’s brain was studied, and evidence of CTE was found. Gladwell, while speaking at an event at Penn, asked them why they still had a football team. 

The most influential teacher I have ever had was a professor in college who challenged my thinking in ways I am still coming to terms with even though he died a few years ago, and it has been almost twenty years since I was his student. He would often point out that it makes no sense to pray before a football game for no one to be hurt since part of football involves a high likelihood of some form of injury, eventually. 

I do pray that Damar Hamlin makes a full recovery. I pray that he walks out of the hospital like nothing happened. And, maybe I will change on this, but today I pray that he never plays football again. 

Mandatum Novum

The following are thoughts I shared with students in the campus ministry I serve. We meet on Tuesday nights which is why I refer to Tuesday night, and I wrote the thoughts on Maundy Thursday, 14 April 2022.

As we mentioned on Tuesday night, today is traditionally know as Maundy Thursday because, at The Last Supper, Jesus said to his disciples the words of John 13:34: "I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another." In Latin, "new commandment" is "mandatum novum." And somehow "mandatum" became "Maundy." Don't ask me why it isn't Mandy Thursday, which I like better. I believe Jesus is telling the disciples to lay down their lives (which Jesus will soon do) for each other. 

Maybe, like me, you grew up with people telling you that people (including you) are such terrible sinners that God had to kill Jesus in order to make everything right. This is known as the "satisfaction" or "substitution" theory of atonement (depending on whether or not someone added the idea that Jesus died in your place/died the death you deserved). Even as a fairly young child, this didn't really make sense to me.

I mean, sure, I did bad things. But like "God, kill your son" bad? And yes, humanity is deeply sinful, but is this the best or only way to take care of that? It was amazing when I learned (in college) that not all Christians have always believed this, and plenty have never believed this. This is not to say that there aren't ways of reading Scripture which support these ideas, and ultimately I am certain that I am wrong about many things concerning God. What I'm suggesting, is that these ideas are not the ONLY way of reading Scripture and understanding the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus.

So, in case no one has ever invited you to think of things this way, I'd like to invite you to consider the following: Maybe Jesus meant what he said about loving others completely, no matter what. And maybe really powerful people didn't know what to do with someone whose entire message was love (and also telling people to sell their possessions and not be greedy, etc.). Maybe certain leaders were so scared of Jesus' way of life and love that they knew of no other option but to kill him. I know that's a stretch, but if you look, you'll find it is part of Jesus' story throughout the Gospels.

Maybe they were thinking they were killing God, or maybe they thought he was crazy to claim to be God. But, people (we) killed God because that's the only thing we know to do when we are scared out of our minds. We react with violence. But, since Jesus actually was God, death was not the end. Instead, death would be defeated once and for all as a way of keeping us away from God and keeping us scared of God and each other. So that now we are actually free to do what Jesus asked us to do and lay down our lives for each other. Because death is not the end, we never have anything to fear again. In Jesus, God defeated death and with it, fear.

Think about it, and let me know what you think.

Gov. Bill Lee

When Bill Lee was elected governor of Tennessee, I didn't really know anything about him as a person or a leader. I knew he owned and ran a successful business. I was pretty sure he went to Auburn University (my wife's alma mater and my favorite SEC school). All in all, he seemed harmless enough, and I was willing, as I try to be with everyone, to give him a chance. Since that time a great deal has changed, and now I am deeply concerned at the leader, and seemingly person, Bill Lee has turned out to be. 

My first elements of concern began at an event at Tennessee State University. There was a gathering of remembrance in honor of The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Bill Lee was in attendance. At first, I was pleased, and it was mentioned that he was the first governor in some time to attend this event. When The Reverend Dr. William Barber II took the podium, he challenged everyone in attendance to stand if we were committed to ensuring healthcare for all. Everyone stood, except Bill Lee. The Reverend Dr. Barber made several additional comments and requested that everyone stand who was committed to pursuing similar acts of justice and mercy. Everyone stood. Bill Lee sat. There is video of this if anyone needs to check my memory. Initially, I didn't know what to make of Bill Lee remaining seated through the entire presentation. On one level, I had to respect that he had the...something...to remain seated while everyone else stood. But, I couldn't reconcile the fact that he wasn't standing for several things which I believe any person, let alone any Christian, should stand for. He made a great deal during his campaign about being a "man of faith," and his profiles still profess that he is this. Of course, what kind of faith he is a man of seems to be up for debate, particularly with the recent number of fellow clergy calling his leadership into question.

What I believe is no longer up for debate is the recognition that Bill Lee is not fit to govern Tennessee, and his response (or almost total lack thereof) to COVID-19 is proof. Certainly no person expects to be a political leader during a worldwide pandemic. And it is worth extending an appropriate measure of grace to Bill Lee and others who seem to be doing their best. But if what he has done is actually his best, it is far from good enough. Tennessee has regularly been listed as the worst place in America regarding COVID numbers. Meanwhile Lee has fought mask mandates, issued lukewarm approval for vaccination, launched a campaign to pay tourists to come to Tennessee, bizarrely fired Dr. Michelle Fiscus, and continues to insist children be put in harm's way while the Delta variant ravages our communities. 

A leader admits when they are out of their depth. A leader steps aside when they can no longer do what is needed. America has many narratives about leadership which are problematic, and some of these narratives cause people to double down rather than step down. I think Bill Lee is quite possibly doing the best he can, but any rational person who is able to look at the situation objectively would come to the conclusion that his best is not good enough. There is no shame, and I think there is great honor, in admitting you don't know what you are doing. I have done this both in my personal and professional life plenty of times. So, I plead with Bill Lee, because lives are actually at stake, admit that you don't know what you are doing and ask for help from those who do (namely our medical professionals) or resign. 

Stream of Consciousness Thoughts About Naomi Osaka

I am 39 years old, and I have played tennis since I was about six years old. I played for my school teams in middle school, high school, and college. I have played in various leagues and tournaments. I really like tennis, and I know a fair amount about it. 

I struggle with anxiety and depression, and I have in various ways of severity for most of my life. In 2015, I started having panic attacks, and I was put on medication. I continue to take medication daily. I manage my anxiety and depression in several ways, and, on some days, you would never know that this is something I deal with always. On other days, you could definitely tell. 

I watched the infamous match where Naomi Osaka defeated Serena Williams in the U.S. Open. Several things happened in the match which were deeply unfair to Williams, but nothing was as unfair as what happened to Osaka because a match where she played stunningly was essentially taken from her and her victory was basically hollow. I have no idea about the status of her mental health before that match, but going through something like that could certainly count as a traumatic experience. 

People experience traumatic situations in vastly different ways. If someone says something is traumatic for them, you don't get to say it isn't. You also don't get to compare your experience with theirs. We are, as it turns out, quite unique. 

Assuming Venus Williams actually made the comment about having "thick skin" as opposed to Osaka's "thin skin" - that's an incredibly unfortunate thing to say. Forms of mental health experiences can be as debilitating as cancer. Would you say someone who has cancer has "thin skin?"

I love sports, way too much probably, and I have never for one moment cared about someone being interviewed before a match, during a match, or after a match. I think such interviews are pointless. The only joy I have ever taken in them is the time Rasheed Wallace repeated the phrase "Both teams played hard my man, both teams played hard" after a game, and obviously his doing so pointed out how ridiculous any questions were for him at the time. I'm cool with eliminating "pressers" entirely because I don't think they serve any useful purpose. Of course I understand this is only my opinion, and I welcome pushback. But saying that appearing at a press conference or answering questions is part of being an athlete is laughable. It's the same thing as making athletes role models. That's on you, not on them. 

Tennis is among the most solitary sports, if not the most solitary major sport. As was displayed during the aforementioned match between Serena Williams and Naomi Osaka, you are to have no communication whatsoever with anyone as a coach, supporter, etc. (in most match play). I think this is stupid too, but there it is. 

Osaka deserves the benefit of the doubt and to be treated with respect. Mental health is not a game, and it isn't something armchair quarterbacks should comment on. Tennis would do well to drop pressers and let the athletes play. 

Overseas

One morning I was taking my son to daycare. I can’t remember how old he was, but he was still an infant. I noticed that some workers were doing something to the windows of the small building where his room was located. I asked one of his teachers, and she said, “They are putting on a screen that is supposed to slow down bullets.” I tried not to panic and to match her demeanor. She said it to me like it was the most normal thing in the world. “Oh yeah, today is the day our bullet screens get installed.” I don’t remember if I actually said anything to her. I remember going back to my car and sitting in it for a while. My immediate instinct as a dad and human was to get my son, go home, and flee with my family somewhere. I don’t know where, but surely finding a place that didn’t install window screens to slow down bullets on infant classrooms would be a good place to start. 

Now we have two sons. I take them to the same school. They are both in daycare. It is a different building. Today, after I dropped them off, I had the same feeling. How can I leave them? What if today is the day it happens here? After all, it happened at Sandy Hook, and America barely skipped a beat. 

Today is the day after a mass shooting left ten people dead in Boulder, Colorado. Today is one week since a series of shootings near Atlanta left eight people dead. Today is also the day legislators in my state (Tennessee) will vote on moving a bill which allows the permitless carry of handguns to the House floor. Rhetoric around this bill focuses on the notion that more guns equals more safety. Of course, this is nonsense. America has more guns than anywhere else, and this only means more gun violence and death. 

I don’t want to be someone who lives in fear, especially because I think fear is primarily what is driving people to want guns. I want to dismantle fear. At the same time, who am I if something happens to one or both of my children or my wife and I could have done something to prevent it. I don’t mean, “Should I get a gun?” I have guns, and I recognize that having a gun doesn’t make someone a bad person. I didn’t purchase any of the guns I have. They were given to me by family, and some have been in my family for a couple generations. I’ve never used them to hunt because I’m lazy, and I cry when someone is mean to a dog in a movie. So killing a deer is not what I’m going to do unless it’s me or the deer (and even then I will have to ask the deer what I am supposed to do with it once I kill it). I grew up shooting targets, bottles, and skeet. I was a pretty good shot, mainly because Duck Hunt had prepared me for this course in life. I plan to teach my sons about guns. I probably have failed that I haven’t already taught one of them more. And, if they want to hunt or shoot skeet, I’m down. 

But I am not down with teaching them that guns solve problems because they don’t. Violence of any kind is futile and senseless and only leads to more violence. The notion of guns as a means to a safer society is a cheap lie peddled by merchants of death, and I won’t have any part of it. And yes, if America is hellbent on returning to the days of Tombstone and the Wild, Wild West, then you might be doing that without my family. Again, I don’t know what that means, and I don’t want to run and hide. But it feels more and more that America loves guns more than life itself. No advancing society should be spending this much time and money on weapons. To do so invests in death, and I have no interest in raising children in a society fixated on death-dealing. Life is beautiful, and I want them to have the best lives possible. Shouldn’t we want this for every child, and if so, wouldn’t this mean we would melt down guns before we bulletproof windows on daycares?

I usually process difficult feelings and emotions through music. One artist who has helped me tremendously is Jason Isbell. When I first heard his song “Overseas,” I was in awe of the way it captured my thoughts of wanting to leave a place that so tenaciously pursues ugliness, greed, and death. Maybe if he can stay here (and since we live in the same city, I do mean HERE) I can too. But it also somehow helps to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way. And maybe we can get enough people feeling this way strongly enough to do something, before it really is too late.

Here’s the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4kFqy7U6NE

The Uncivil War

 

I watched the inauguration of Joseph R. Biden today with many competing emotions. I was afraid it might not go off without a hitch. After all, just two weeks ago (to the day) I watched people storm the Capitol building and commit acts of violence. More violence had been threatened. Thankfully, it didn’t happen. My heart was also heavy that America recently passed the horrific milestone of 400,000 deaths from COVID-19. At one point, half that number seemed unthinkable. It’s hard for me to imagine a more thorough failure in the world’s wealthiest nation. I was eager to hear what Biden would say in the face of such difficulty, and he named things so well. 

His is one of the first inaugural addresses to take place in a society where quotes are instantly memed. And certainly, he had some meme-worthy phrases. Perhaps the line that struck me the most was his referring to the current state of affairs in America as an Uncivil War. What a fascinating thing to say. It’s entirely possible that America has never been as divided as it is now except for the time it literally went to war with itself. The physical wounds of The Civil War were monumental. Two percent of the American population died from warfare and its associated miseries. But, I think many of us are coming to terms with the fact that we have been underestimating the figurative wounds which caused the conflict and have stewed in one way or another since. Ultimately, this is all to say, America has not fully come to terms with the fact that it was founded on the near genocide of Native Peoples and the abhorrent practice of enslaving Africans. 

I want the kind of society Biden spoke of, and I have given my life to help bring it to fruition. Still, I lack the imagination to understand how healing can take place without a proper diagnosis and course of treatment. Until America as a whole confesses the sins of the past and seeks legitimate restoration, I think it will be stuck in an endless cycle of division with those who love the country so much they can never speak ill of it on one side and those who love it so much they can’t allow it to exist under a delusion on the other. This gets at the trickiness of civility. How do you agree to disagree about lies? Maybe the people perpetuating the lies finally give up the futile fight. But until that takes place, any notion of healing, progress, or advancement will be partial at best. 

A New Denomination's Take on Holy Communion

In my new denomination, Holy Communion will be celebrated at every worship gathering. At random times, but at least once a month, the setting for the communion liturgy will be to the tune of Gordon Lightfoot’s immortal classic “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.” There will be no discernible pattern to the occurrence of “Wreck Communion” so that parishioners will not be able to plan their attendance schedules in a way that will avoid participation in this rite. Moreover, once the music begins, the doors will be locked to prevent escape.