i guess i've been pretty lucky when it comes to flying. i've rarely had a flight delayed, and i think i've only ever had one flight canceled outright. so the complaining that ensues is really much closer to spoiled brat whining, but i'm going to share it nonetheless.
so i'm flying back from seann and elizabeth's wedding (in houston), and i have to fly to memphis and then to nashville. "but david," you might ask "didn't you leave nineveh in jackson? and isn't memphis only an hour from jackson whereas nashville is two hours from jackson? why would you just fly directly from houston to memphis and drive to jackson to get nineveh?" such a reasonable question with an answer that is anything but reasonable: it's roughly twice as expensive to fly directly from memphis to houston than to fly from nashville to memphis to houston, and that's with gas as a variable!
so the flight from houston to memphis was delayed - no biggie. they projected that we would take off in plenty of time to make my connection. well, how glad i was when we actually were set to take off earlier than anticipated. piece of cake. but then, there was weather. it started drizzling in houston. i know - big panic. texas isn't used to rain. but seriously - i didn't see lightning once or anything serious. yet according to our pilot, the entire airport closed down. this was a little fishy considering the fed ex planes taking off left and right on the runways beside us as well as the american airlines planes three of which took off while we sat grounded.
finally we got the "okay" from God or whoever makes the rain, and we took off. it was gonna be close. well, we landed with about twenty minutes for me to get to my nashville bound plane. i wasn't really that concerned because the memphis airport isn't that colossal, and i knew it fairly well. but here comes the best part: they had made us check anything larger than a hamster at the planeside check-in thingy. well, normally that wouldn't be so big a deal because they typically just throw those bags up on the gate platform (bridge? i don't know air terms) and you grab em as you deplane (i know that one!). well, not this time. i guess because we had been delayed, and things weren't so hot they thought they'd be extra courteous to us and put all our bags on that little elevator thingy and pull it right up to the gate. only problem is, that really screwed most of the people who had mere minutes to make the next flight because it took them SO LONG to get the bags on that thing and get it around there. i was literally standing there with people who were saying "and i just missed my flight" when they clearly would have had time to make it had the people with the bags been equipped with basic reasoning and logic.
so i got my bags with literally one minute to make my plane. i sprinted from terminal a to terminal b (in chacos mind you) and saw my gate. no one was there. i yelled at the next gate down something that sounded like "tha mah play" (i'm not a sprinter). someone came over and quickly called the plane and told them to wait - he was truly helpful, and i wish i had tipped him. he ended up opening the door of the plane for me (unassailably cool i think).
so yeah, i ended up making the flight - and i kinda felt like batman...a batman with burning lungs.
so here's the part where you get to play along. i won't give the name of the airline i flew and won't fly again - but the initials are NWA. so you try and come up with a slogan wittier than mine (shouldn't be hard).
10 August 2008
21 July 2008
hands off my ice cream
disclaimer: this will likely be the most seinfeldesque post i've ever written. proceed cautiously.
so what's the deal with hand dipped ice cream? i can't remember the first time i saw a sign telling me an ice cream was hand dipped, but i remember being confused. i mean, what's the point? i suppose it does distinguish a certain kind of ice cream from another, say soft serve or homemade. but i think there's also this arrogance like people are going to extra trouble to hand dip this stuff. like i should be impressed that you had to scoop the ice cream. and really, is that any more work than twisting the cone under the spout of the soft serve? if anything, i think making a good twisty cone is harder.
well the other day i seriously heard the most moronic extension of this marketing: hand spun milkshakes. really? you mean you actually went to the trouble to hold a cup in your hand as a machine mixed the stuff around. robots didn't do this? oh, well then i'll have one. i was on the fence, but now that i know what enormous trouble you went to, sign me up.
i'm living suede.
so what's the deal with hand dipped ice cream? i can't remember the first time i saw a sign telling me an ice cream was hand dipped, but i remember being confused. i mean, what's the point? i suppose it does distinguish a certain kind of ice cream from another, say soft serve or homemade. but i think there's also this arrogance like people are going to extra trouble to hand dip this stuff. like i should be impressed that you had to scoop the ice cream. and really, is that any more work than twisting the cone under the spout of the soft serve? if anything, i think making a good twisty cone is harder.
well the other day i seriously heard the most moronic extension of this marketing: hand spun milkshakes. really? you mean you actually went to the trouble to hold a cup in your hand as a machine mixed the stuff around. robots didn't do this? oh, well then i'll have one. i was on the fence, but now that i know what enormous trouble you went to, sign me up.
i'm living suede.
11 July 2008
to scoot or not to scoot
so because i'm a tree hugging hippie commie, i bought a scooter a couple weeks ago - to try and cut all ties with exxon mobil and their ilk. i really, REALLY like it. it's a blue honda metropolitan (i know, could i be any more metro?!). it gets, no lying, 100+ mpg. and it's really zippy to ride around on. i'm thinking of calling it "peppy" (i hope someone, maybe casey, gets the curb reference). but, of course, anytime i try to advance the cause of reason and sensibility let alone care for the environment or good stewardship, the "man" has to put his boot on my neck in a way that defies all logic.
i bought the scooter in tennessee, cause i just like trafficking vehicles across state lines. but i tried to do the right thing and take it in to the courthouse to pay tax on it and get it registered and all that legal stuff. let me preface what follows by saying the people who work there seem to hate life and their jobs a lot. people that work in fast food have more joy. anyway, i ask them what i need to do and show them my forms. this one lady (who just loathes me) gets on the phone with someone for a while. she returns and tells me it's illegal for me to ride it on the road; it can only be used for offroad purposes. um, it's a scooter. it's having enough trouble navigating a course that isn't circling the arch de triomphe. but it's certainly not IN ANY WAY for offroading. but the reason she gave me is the kicker: the minimum engine size they'll register is 50cc ~ "peppy" is, wait for it, 49cc. UNACCEPTABLE.
so i guess this place will be my selma or something. i'm not taking it back. i'm going to flagrantly break the law on a regular basis. i answer to a God that loves creation and hates violence, and i'm going to ride this vehicle that barely pollutes and doesn't cause wars. i know that doesn't make sense to most people around the planet, but i'm about changing their minds. in the meantime i'll probably be setting up a legal defense fund for the inevitable court battles ahead. i know i can count on you for a cake with a saw in it when it comes to that. viva la revolution!
i bought the scooter in tennessee, cause i just like trafficking vehicles across state lines. but i tried to do the right thing and take it in to the courthouse to pay tax on it and get it registered and all that legal stuff. let me preface what follows by saying the people who work there seem to hate life and their jobs a lot. people that work in fast food have more joy. anyway, i ask them what i need to do and show them my forms. this one lady (who just loathes me) gets on the phone with someone for a while. she returns and tells me it's illegal for me to ride it on the road; it can only be used for offroad purposes. um, it's a scooter. it's having enough trouble navigating a course that isn't circling the arch de triomphe. but it's certainly not IN ANY WAY for offroading. but the reason she gave me is the kicker: the minimum engine size they'll register is 50cc ~ "peppy" is, wait for it, 49cc. UNACCEPTABLE.
so i guess this place will be my selma or something. i'm not taking it back. i'm going to flagrantly break the law on a regular basis. i answer to a God that loves creation and hates violence, and i'm going to ride this vehicle that barely pollutes and doesn't cause wars. i know that doesn't make sense to most people around the planet, but i'm about changing their minds. in the meantime i'll probably be setting up a legal defense fund for the inevitable court battles ahead. i know i can count on you for a cake with a saw in it when it comes to that. viva la revolution!
01 July 2008
worse than fiction
just when i think i've heard the most ridiculous thing possible, i remember there's always room for improvement. i've now heard twice about the environmental protection agency sending the bush administration a document about controlling greenhouse gases. this document was the result of the epa obeying a ruling from the supreme court. as this the new york times article reports, the bush administration chose to ignore the document by refusing to open the e-mail which held the document. http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/25/washington/25epa.html?_r=1&adxnnl=1&oref=slogin&adxnnlx=1214920490-3WOjSZifpRF+CKY/LyYC8w
i guess normally i would be outraged at a branch of government behaving like a petulant child with his fingers in his ears yelling in order to ignore what he doesn't want to hear. but really it's just par for the course, so i've pretty much accepted it. the truly outraging part is that it continues to work, as it did with the epa which sent a revised document watering down its proposals. hey, you can't fault a winning strategy.
maybe at some point there will be enough rational, passionate people to hold government officials accountable and fire them for incompetency and bumbling disregard for all ethics. but apparently that's not gonna happen today. today we're just like the white house - willfully ignoring the obvious disaster ahead.
i guess normally i would be outraged at a branch of government behaving like a petulant child with his fingers in his ears yelling in order to ignore what he doesn't want to hear. but really it's just par for the course, so i've pretty much accepted it. the truly outraging part is that it continues to work, as it did with the epa which sent a revised document watering down its proposals. hey, you can't fault a winning strategy.
maybe at some point there will be enough rational, passionate people to hold government officials accountable and fire them for incompetency and bumbling disregard for all ethics. but apparently that's not gonna happen today. today we're just like the white house - willfully ignoring the obvious disaster ahead.
11 June 2008
like francis
i was all set to take a trip to assisi in a few months, but events conspired to throw that off the rails. if i ever get to go i hope to hear more stories about st. francis who has always intrigued me. legend has it francis was born into a wealthy family but one day encountered a beggar (who i think had previously terrified francis) and saw in him the image of Christ. from that day on francis renounced his family's wealth, perhaps even stripping off his clothes in front of his cloth merchant father. francis then went on to live the life of a beggar and to serve the poor.
the other day i was ending up some travels in my hometown, and i went to eat at a sub shop. inside was a girl's softball team. one of the team moms was in front of me in line, and i experienced maybe the opposite of what francis did. her behavior in that short time might have robbed from me any future ability to really see anything Christ-like in a certain section of the population. she seemed to be the embodiment of those who serve manna. there was no kindness in her shown to the girls on the softball team or the staff working at the restaurant. she was actually very rude to everyone. her children's names were attempts at outdoing others in trendiness. i simply found it almost impossible to consider loving her because it seemed she cared nothing about love, compassion, sacrifice. she only cared about herself and victory.
i've lived a fairly privileged life, like francis' up to a point. and i'm not close to being able to sell everything i have and give the money to the poor (which i think Jesus actually wants us to do, not just be able to do). but i think i'm ready to call the old tale i've heard in the Church for so long about how the rich are as needy as the poor nothing more than a lie that i refuse to perpetuate. all the symptoms of being rich that are always trotted out (loneliness, depression, stress, etc.) can be alleviated very simply: stop being rich. stop believing that God wants you to be rich in anything other than love and communion with others. realize why Jesus had no possessions and no home.
francis gave his life for the poor, and i often wish i could follow in the same way. but i now belong to an order of clergy where i agree to go where i'm sent. in this way, success often means ending up at very wealthy churches and likely tending to the "problems" associated with wealth. i will seek to love people no matter where i'm sent, but i'm already praying that i'll be more often in ministry with the poor who are not so blinded by possessions and property that they can no longer see Christ.
the other day i was ending up some travels in my hometown, and i went to eat at a sub shop. inside was a girl's softball team. one of the team moms was in front of me in line, and i experienced maybe the opposite of what francis did. her behavior in that short time might have robbed from me any future ability to really see anything Christ-like in a certain section of the population. she seemed to be the embodiment of those who serve manna. there was no kindness in her shown to the girls on the softball team or the staff working at the restaurant. she was actually very rude to everyone. her children's names were attempts at outdoing others in trendiness. i simply found it almost impossible to consider loving her because it seemed she cared nothing about love, compassion, sacrifice. she only cared about herself and victory.
i've lived a fairly privileged life, like francis' up to a point. and i'm not close to being able to sell everything i have and give the money to the poor (which i think Jesus actually wants us to do, not just be able to do). but i think i'm ready to call the old tale i've heard in the Church for so long about how the rich are as needy as the poor nothing more than a lie that i refuse to perpetuate. all the symptoms of being rich that are always trotted out (loneliness, depression, stress, etc.) can be alleviated very simply: stop being rich. stop believing that God wants you to be rich in anything other than love and communion with others. realize why Jesus had no possessions and no home.
francis gave his life for the poor, and i often wish i could follow in the same way. but i now belong to an order of clergy where i agree to go where i'm sent. in this way, success often means ending up at very wealthy churches and likely tending to the "problems" associated with wealth. i will seek to love people no matter where i'm sent, but i'm already praying that i'll be more often in ministry with the poor who are not so blinded by possessions and property that they can no longer see Christ.
03 June 2008
a penny saved
lots has been happening lately, and a good bit of it has been totally absurd. but it's been happening at such a break-neck pace (i hate that phrase) i've been forgetting most of it before recording it here. here's one thing that happened. it totally isn't worth writing about - but most things i write about aren't.
i'm in jackson (my hometown) for a few days, and i went out to eat with my buddy ben (whose wedding i'm co-presiding at this weekend). we went to rafferty's - one of my favorite jackson places. it has the greatest chicken tenders. actually, it's the sauce that i love so much. the chicken tenders are pretty average. but this sauce is unbelievable. i recently found out (i can't tell you how) that the sauce is just bbq sauce and honey mustard mixed together. now, it took me years of searching and doing unspeakable deeds to find this out. it was like a search for the holy grail. i was telling ben how much i loved the sauce and how it took me so long to figure it out, and just instantly he said "oh, what is it bbq sauce and honey mustard mixed together?" that's just the kinda friendship we have.
anyway, so we order the exact same food. the only difference is he gets a sweet tea, and i get a coke (which was sub-par. i'm a big snob when it comes to coke. props to chappy's in auburn. consistently the best coke i've had in a long time. i'll miss it). our check comes (just one so there's no telling the orders apart) and one of us is being charged a penny more. well, we were just about to burn the place to the ground when she brought us back the receipts to sign, and they were the same price: a penny less (or rather, the one didn't have the extra penny). i guess she knew we weren't to be trifled with.
best post ever!
i'm in jackson (my hometown) for a few days, and i went out to eat with my buddy ben (whose wedding i'm co-presiding at this weekend). we went to rafferty's - one of my favorite jackson places. it has the greatest chicken tenders. actually, it's the sauce that i love so much. the chicken tenders are pretty average. but this sauce is unbelievable. i recently found out (i can't tell you how) that the sauce is just bbq sauce and honey mustard mixed together. now, it took me years of searching and doing unspeakable deeds to find this out. it was like a search for the holy grail. i was telling ben how much i loved the sauce and how it took me so long to figure it out, and just instantly he said "oh, what is it bbq sauce and honey mustard mixed together?" that's just the kinda friendship we have.
anyway, so we order the exact same food. the only difference is he gets a sweet tea, and i get a coke (which was sub-par. i'm a big snob when it comes to coke. props to chappy's in auburn. consistently the best coke i've had in a long time. i'll miss it). our check comes (just one so there's no telling the orders apart) and one of us is being charged a penny more. well, we were just about to burn the place to the ground when she brought us back the receipts to sign, and they were the same price: a penny less (or rather, the one didn't have the extra penny). i guess she knew we weren't to be trifled with.
best post ever!
17 May 2008
a new blog
i've decided to launch an additional blog. i know, i barely write on this blog anymore so launching another one probably seems double crazy. it might be, but i feel like i need to do so. for the past couple of years i have become increasingly committed to practices of environmental stewardship (greening, care for the environment, tree hugging, whatever). my motives are primarily theological. i believe God created everything that exists and gave us the cognitive capacity to care for it all. we've done not such a great job recently, and i think it's certainly time for churches and church leaders to lead the way. if we are so adamant about God creating the universe then we must be willing to treat the resources of the planet accordingly. so i'm launching this new blog to deal specifically with these issues. i know i could post them on here, but there is already other content on here, and i want to devote the other blog solely to the environmental purpose. i'm going to try to write on the other blog at least once a week. i'm also going to try to write more on here, and as my life faces some changes soon, i doubt i'll have any lack of material. i'll simply have to make time to share it. but, i hope you'll check out www.goinggreenforgod.blogspot.com as much as you can and share your thoughts about caring for creation.
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