i don't really have much to say, but it's the week of earth day and it's nice to see the tv networks all green and focused on that and everything. but of course i know that'll be over soon. maybe earth day will be the new Christmas when corporations learn more and more how to capitalize on it. i just know that there are two places very close to me - one literally right next to the piece of land i live on - where they are cutting down lots of trees. i've heard chainsaws and bulldozers all through "earth week." i actually like the smell of pine in the air, but then i remember why it lingers so heavy.
i try and put myself in the place of the people cutting down all the trees and realize they are just doing a job. but then i also think, people making missiles and guns and bullets - just doing a job. bartenders that allow people to drink way too much and then drive and kill someone - just earning a living. drug dealers - everyone has to pay the rent. i think the latter categories are much more severe than people who cut down trees for a living - i'm not that far gone just yet, and as long as i use paper or anything else made from wood, i have to allow for people to provide it. i just want there to be some consciousness in all professions of what is taking place - how much good is being done versus the harm, and some attempt at tilting the scales toward the good would be nice. probably some professions have to go. but martin luther thought Christians could serve God as executioners, so i could be wrong.
so yeah, some recognition of as big a picture as possible and the attempt to do the best we can. that might just start with people who cut down trees taking this week off.
25 April 2008
14 April 2008
do my eyes seem empty?
about a month ago this cat wandered into my yard. i'd seen her a few times before, but always on the edge of the woods. this time she ventured pretty close and eventually came right up to me. it was night, so i was a little hesitant - couldn't tell if she was foaming at the mouth or anything. but she seemed really friendly, constantly meowing and rubbing up against my legs.
we never had cats growing up, only dogs; we always had dogs. i'm admittedly way more of a dog person, but i guess i just feel like there's not as much of a chance for me to screw things up with one since i've been around them my whole life. of course, i really love all animals a great deal. i guess it's one of the things i'm softest about. i can't stand to see animals mistreated. people i can pretty much take or leave, but animals...well i kinda feel like we're supposed to take care of them, certainly the ones that can't fend for themselves. recently, i've come a long way with cats. i think i just started appreciating them for what they are. i used to write them off as snobby or entitled, and that may be true, but i've also realize they just aren't as domesticated as dogs even after centuries of having them as pets. they are just tame enough to live with humans, but wild enough to do it always on their terms. i respect that. they are certainly beautiful animals, and big cats (lions, tigers, and cougars) have always amazed me. not too long ago my dad and stepmom started caring for some strays that now run their yard. it's been a pretty impressive transformation. all this is to say, the thought came into my head that i might keep this cat.
she kept coming around and eventually came up on my porch to the door. she would have come into the house, but i realized i had to test things with my dog first - she's kinda my first priority. so i tried to introduce them, and it did not go well. nineveh (my dog) is the most docile creature i've ever seen. it's clear she's been abused. she's always very cowed around other animals, even rabbits. so she was easing up to the cat very slowly. then suddenly, the cat hissed and struck at her. i reacted really suddenly and badly. i threw the cat down and yelled at it - i was really worried it had scratched nineveh's eyes. no blood. still, i was really mad. i decided this wasn't gonna work and that my loyalty was to nineveh. the cat would have to find a home elsewhere. so i ran her off.
i felt pretty bad in the following days. i mean, she was just being a cat i guess. we all know cats and dogs historically don't get along. but, she didn't come back around, so what could i do? i went out of town for a few days last sunday and got back wednesday afternoon. the cat was back, and i found her under the side of my shed. she seemed really weak and not at all well. when i ran her off, i noticed that her stomach was a little larger than the rest of her. i didn't know if she was pregnant or not (again, no experience with cats), but now she certainly was not pregnant any longer. she was skin and bones. i tried bringing her some food and water, but she wouldn't eat. so i got really worried and decided i'd try taking her somewhere the next day. i kept checking on her, and at one point she crawled under the shed to the middle of it and curled up on an old tarp that was under there. i didn't think this was good at all. so, i called katie to help me get her out. katie kept a flashlight shining on her so i could see, and i tried moving her with different things - she was really impossible to reach though. a couple times she got up, and i thought maybe she'd come out, but she just laid back down. finally i decided i'd have to go to the top of the shed and come in from that angle - which was really dicey because there's a lot of mulch and weeds and stuff there. i cleared out as much stuff as i could and put a board down. then i reached under the shed and started pulling the tarp. the cat stayed on it which helped. finally i pulled her out. she was so weak and dirty. we fed her some tuna, and she ate decently and drank some water. i decided to make a little bed for her in this kiddie pool where i wash nineveh. i also would put it in my backyard which is fenced so she wouldn't get out (i don't know anything about cats).
the next morning i went out and checked on her. she seemed a little better, but i noticed she was bleeding from her back end. i called my vet to see about possible treatment. things didn't sound good. i had decided i really couldn't keep her, but i'd pay for her treatment (as long as it wasn't insane) so she could be adopted by someone else. i was told it could cost $800-$1,200 to get her healthy, if that was even possible. of course this was just an estimate - they hadn't even checked her out. i called the humane society, but they said given her condition they'd likely put her to sleep. finally, i checked with the auburn vet school (how lucky to live near a vet school). at first they too were a little hesitant since it wasn't my cat, but eventually a very kind woman said i could bring her in anonymously and they'd do what they could for her. that was good enough for me. so i went outside to get her, and she was nowhere to be found.
i looked all over the yard where i had seen her just moments before. finally, i looked under the shed, and there she was, curled up again. at that point i wondered if i should just leave her. it's always amazed me how animals know when it's their time. they truly are more perceptive than we give them credit for. but i decided i'd have to get her out one way or another - better to do it while she was still alive and maybe had a chance. so i dug her out with my hand again and put her in the car. she was very peaceful on the way to the vet school. i should say at this point that once i got a look at her, she really was a pretty cat. her head and tail were kinda gray striped - pretty standard. but her body was almost blonde with a very faint tortoise print. i'd never seen a cat like her.
i brought her in and the lady i spoke with took us to an observation room. she agreed the cat didn't look good. a vet/student soon came in to ask me some questions and took her to do a quick exam. she wanted me to stay, which i was a little surprised about, but i did. she came back with another vet and they started talking with me about options. they would do what they could, but also needed to know if i could help pay for anything and how much. i told them i could help some, but i certainly don't have much money and just wanted to get her healthy so someone could adopt her. we all agreed on doing blood work and going from there. so i left, and they promised to call me.
a few hours later i got a call that things were not good. she didn't have leukemia (which would have been a deal breaker treatment wise), but she did have a very bad virus and a fever of 105. they think she might have miscarried and weren't sure if the virus could have caused that or the other way around. basically even with some serious (and expensive) surgery and loads (of expensive) antibiotics, it was still 50/50 whether she'd even live. they said the best thing to do would be to put her to sleep. then they asked my permission. i didn't sign up for that part. she wasn't my cat - just a stray that wandered up, but here i was being asked if it was okay to kill her. i said yes. they told me it was the best thing to do and then expressed their gratitude for bringing her in and doing "so much more than most people." i thanked her for doing all she could and hung up the phone. then i pretty much lost it.
i was sobbing for the next half hour or so. i just couldn't get over not having taken the cat in sooner or being willing to officially adopt her so i would have spent the money. i felt so guilty for running her off and truly believed i killed her. i felt awful the rest of that day and for the next few days. i'm admittedly someone who wants to save the world singlehandedly, and i know that's pretty dangerous sometimes, but i also think it's what makes the few good things about me so good. say what you will about me, you can't say i'm not passionate.
in the days that have followed i've been reassured by several more people that i did all i could for the cat and way more than many people would have done. i guess i still can't get over not being able to save her though, even though i fully understand it can't always work out that way. i truly can't say enough good things about the auburn vet school and the work they did. i sensed in them a deep compassion not just for animals, but for people who do their best to try and help animals, however insufficient that effort ultimately is. i plan to make a donation to further their work when i can. and i guess that's my next thing to be passionate about. i've always loved animals and wanted to help them, but i haven't done as much about putting my money and time towards that effort, and i have a strong motivation now. of course, i've also realized that the main reason i didn't keep the cat was because my first priority is to my dog that i adopted from a rescue service. she was abused and could have suffered the same fate as the cat, but she was rescued from a shelter and now rescues me on a daily basis. so i guess that's the biggest lesson i have for others. if you possibly can, adopt/rescue/save an animal. it requires a great deal of time, money, patience, and love and one should NEVER get an animal on a whim. but i think there are plenty of people who could give animals a very good home, and i hope they will seek out not just the most photogenic or trendy breed, but also those who have no more chances and need special attention. by saving their lives you will likely discover that in countless ways, they return the favor by saving you.
we never had cats growing up, only dogs; we always had dogs. i'm admittedly way more of a dog person, but i guess i just feel like there's not as much of a chance for me to screw things up with one since i've been around them my whole life. of course, i really love all animals a great deal. i guess it's one of the things i'm softest about. i can't stand to see animals mistreated. people i can pretty much take or leave, but animals...well i kinda feel like we're supposed to take care of them, certainly the ones that can't fend for themselves. recently, i've come a long way with cats. i think i just started appreciating them for what they are. i used to write them off as snobby or entitled, and that may be true, but i've also realize they just aren't as domesticated as dogs even after centuries of having them as pets. they are just tame enough to live with humans, but wild enough to do it always on their terms. i respect that. they are certainly beautiful animals, and big cats (lions, tigers, and cougars) have always amazed me. not too long ago my dad and stepmom started caring for some strays that now run their yard. it's been a pretty impressive transformation. all this is to say, the thought came into my head that i might keep this cat.
she kept coming around and eventually came up on my porch to the door. she would have come into the house, but i realized i had to test things with my dog first - she's kinda my first priority. so i tried to introduce them, and it did not go well. nineveh (my dog) is the most docile creature i've ever seen. it's clear she's been abused. she's always very cowed around other animals, even rabbits. so she was easing up to the cat very slowly. then suddenly, the cat hissed and struck at her. i reacted really suddenly and badly. i threw the cat down and yelled at it - i was really worried it had scratched nineveh's eyes. no blood. still, i was really mad. i decided this wasn't gonna work and that my loyalty was to nineveh. the cat would have to find a home elsewhere. so i ran her off.
i felt pretty bad in the following days. i mean, she was just being a cat i guess. we all know cats and dogs historically don't get along. but, she didn't come back around, so what could i do? i went out of town for a few days last sunday and got back wednesday afternoon. the cat was back, and i found her under the side of my shed. she seemed really weak and not at all well. when i ran her off, i noticed that her stomach was a little larger than the rest of her. i didn't know if she was pregnant or not (again, no experience with cats), but now she certainly was not pregnant any longer. she was skin and bones. i tried bringing her some food and water, but she wouldn't eat. so i got really worried and decided i'd try taking her somewhere the next day. i kept checking on her, and at one point she crawled under the shed to the middle of it and curled up on an old tarp that was under there. i didn't think this was good at all. so, i called katie to help me get her out. katie kept a flashlight shining on her so i could see, and i tried moving her with different things - she was really impossible to reach though. a couple times she got up, and i thought maybe she'd come out, but she just laid back down. finally i decided i'd have to go to the top of the shed and come in from that angle - which was really dicey because there's a lot of mulch and weeds and stuff there. i cleared out as much stuff as i could and put a board down. then i reached under the shed and started pulling the tarp. the cat stayed on it which helped. finally i pulled her out. she was so weak and dirty. we fed her some tuna, and she ate decently and drank some water. i decided to make a little bed for her in this kiddie pool where i wash nineveh. i also would put it in my backyard which is fenced so she wouldn't get out (i don't know anything about cats).
the next morning i went out and checked on her. she seemed a little better, but i noticed she was bleeding from her back end. i called my vet to see about possible treatment. things didn't sound good. i had decided i really couldn't keep her, but i'd pay for her treatment (as long as it wasn't insane) so she could be adopted by someone else. i was told it could cost $800-$1,200 to get her healthy, if that was even possible. of course this was just an estimate - they hadn't even checked her out. i called the humane society, but they said given her condition they'd likely put her to sleep. finally, i checked with the auburn vet school (how lucky to live near a vet school). at first they too were a little hesitant since it wasn't my cat, but eventually a very kind woman said i could bring her in anonymously and they'd do what they could for her. that was good enough for me. so i went outside to get her, and she was nowhere to be found.
i looked all over the yard where i had seen her just moments before. finally, i looked under the shed, and there she was, curled up again. at that point i wondered if i should just leave her. it's always amazed me how animals know when it's their time. they truly are more perceptive than we give them credit for. but i decided i'd have to get her out one way or another - better to do it while she was still alive and maybe had a chance. so i dug her out with my hand again and put her in the car. she was very peaceful on the way to the vet school. i should say at this point that once i got a look at her, she really was a pretty cat. her head and tail were kinda gray striped - pretty standard. but her body was almost blonde with a very faint tortoise print. i'd never seen a cat like her.
i brought her in and the lady i spoke with took us to an observation room. she agreed the cat didn't look good. a vet/student soon came in to ask me some questions and took her to do a quick exam. she wanted me to stay, which i was a little surprised about, but i did. she came back with another vet and they started talking with me about options. they would do what they could, but also needed to know if i could help pay for anything and how much. i told them i could help some, but i certainly don't have much money and just wanted to get her healthy so someone could adopt her. we all agreed on doing blood work and going from there. so i left, and they promised to call me.
a few hours later i got a call that things were not good. she didn't have leukemia (which would have been a deal breaker treatment wise), but she did have a very bad virus and a fever of 105. they think she might have miscarried and weren't sure if the virus could have caused that or the other way around. basically even with some serious (and expensive) surgery and loads (of expensive) antibiotics, it was still 50/50 whether she'd even live. they said the best thing to do would be to put her to sleep. then they asked my permission. i didn't sign up for that part. she wasn't my cat - just a stray that wandered up, but here i was being asked if it was okay to kill her. i said yes. they told me it was the best thing to do and then expressed their gratitude for bringing her in and doing "so much more than most people." i thanked her for doing all she could and hung up the phone. then i pretty much lost it.
i was sobbing for the next half hour or so. i just couldn't get over not having taken the cat in sooner or being willing to officially adopt her so i would have spent the money. i felt so guilty for running her off and truly believed i killed her. i felt awful the rest of that day and for the next few days. i'm admittedly someone who wants to save the world singlehandedly, and i know that's pretty dangerous sometimes, but i also think it's what makes the few good things about me so good. say what you will about me, you can't say i'm not passionate.
in the days that have followed i've been reassured by several more people that i did all i could for the cat and way more than many people would have done. i guess i still can't get over not being able to save her though, even though i fully understand it can't always work out that way. i truly can't say enough good things about the auburn vet school and the work they did. i sensed in them a deep compassion not just for animals, but for people who do their best to try and help animals, however insufficient that effort ultimately is. i plan to make a donation to further their work when i can. and i guess that's my next thing to be passionate about. i've always loved animals and wanted to help them, but i haven't done as much about putting my money and time towards that effort, and i have a strong motivation now. of course, i've also realized that the main reason i didn't keep the cat was because my first priority is to my dog that i adopted from a rescue service. she was abused and could have suffered the same fate as the cat, but she was rescued from a shelter and now rescues me on a daily basis. so i guess that's the biggest lesson i have for others. if you possibly can, adopt/rescue/save an animal. it requires a great deal of time, money, patience, and love and one should NEVER get an animal on a whim. but i think there are plenty of people who could give animals a very good home, and i hope they will seek out not just the most photogenic or trendy breed, but also those who have no more chances and need special attention. by saving their lives you will likely discover that in countless ways, they return the favor by saving you.
05 April 2008
my sacrifice for creation
for the past couple of years i have tried to practice good environmental stewardship. i'll admit that a key in my new focus was seeing the film An Inconvenient Truth. i will not argue the science of the film or global climate change or anything to do with Al Gore. none of these ultimately brought about my change. what did it was remembering the intricate beauty of creation and my belief that the God i worship somehow brought about all that exists. it occurred to me that i can't love God and trash what God created and called good. so i set out to care for creation in as many ways as i could. i rode my bike more, i started using my own bags at kroger and my own water bottles everywhere (even when i was yelled at by an employee at taco bell - where i refuse to eat again), i have even invented my own water efficient way of washing dishes, which i'll disclose later. but one thing i couldn't turn green was my lead foot...until now.
one of my church members told me about a guy in "Reader's Digest" who won an mpg contest by getting 150 mpg. i was pretty floored, especially when i read that the car he used wasn't a hybrid. his secret: coasting. basically driving as slow as possible and trying never to use the gas, or the brake for that matter. so i've started trying it - it's really too soon to tell if i can do this. i'm so used to getting frustrated with people who even drive the speed limit. now i find myself well under it. i suppose this will be the true test of my dedication to creation. of course, i could just scrap the car and bike everywhere.
here are a few other tips the article offered: 1. keep your car empty of everything you can. excess weight only drags you down. 2. keep the tires inflated well and the car regularly maintained. 3. don't use the air conditioner or roll the windows down (really tough, the guy in the article wears an ice vest!).
and now, as promised, my amazing dish washing method. of course, if you can afford some fancy dishwasher that conserves energy and water, go for it. but i can't, so i do this. for starters, you have to clean your plate as much as possible when you eat. you should do this anyway - starving kids in africa. then, start off with just a little water and dish soap in the sink, just enough to wash a few things (plates). let them soak for a few minutes and then sponge them or whatever. THEN rinse them off with the water filling up the sink even more. in other words, don't rinse them in the other side with the water leaving and being wasted. i know you might be like "eww, but the water will be all gross." no, it won't. the dish should be totally free of crud when you rinse. any crud will be in that water anyway - and if you've eaten everything on your plate, it shouldn't be a problem. so continue rinsing so that the water level rises, and continue adding larger dishes and letting them soak for a few minutes. by the end, you'll have a full sink of water, but you'll have conserved a lot. tell your friends.
one of my church members told me about a guy in "Reader's Digest" who won an mpg contest by getting 150 mpg. i was pretty floored, especially when i read that the car he used wasn't a hybrid. his secret: coasting. basically driving as slow as possible and trying never to use the gas, or the brake for that matter. so i've started trying it - it's really too soon to tell if i can do this. i'm so used to getting frustrated with people who even drive the speed limit. now i find myself well under it. i suppose this will be the true test of my dedication to creation. of course, i could just scrap the car and bike everywhere.
here are a few other tips the article offered: 1. keep your car empty of everything you can. excess weight only drags you down. 2. keep the tires inflated well and the car regularly maintained. 3. don't use the air conditioner or roll the windows down (really tough, the guy in the article wears an ice vest!).
and now, as promised, my amazing dish washing method. of course, if you can afford some fancy dishwasher that conserves energy and water, go for it. but i can't, so i do this. for starters, you have to clean your plate as much as possible when you eat. you should do this anyway - starving kids in africa. then, start off with just a little water and dish soap in the sink, just enough to wash a few things (plates). let them soak for a few minutes and then sponge them or whatever. THEN rinse them off with the water filling up the sink even more. in other words, don't rinse them in the other side with the water leaving and being wasted. i know you might be like "eww, but the water will be all gross." no, it won't. the dish should be totally free of crud when you rinse. any crud will be in that water anyway - and if you've eaten everything on your plate, it shouldn't be a problem. so continue rinsing so that the water level rises, and continue adding larger dishes and letting them soak for a few minutes. by the end, you'll have a full sink of water, but you'll have conserved a lot. tell your friends.
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