Love Defeats Bullies

When I look at what compels me to write it is sadly often in the aftermath of some violent attack. Perhaps as a pastor and one who seeks to offer healing I am hardwired or programmed to offer some sort of balm in the midst of tragedy. I don’t pretend that I often know what I’m doing. I do my best to avoid ending up like the “friends” in the biblical book of Job who end up offering really no comfort at all to someone whose world is coming apart at the seams. Often I am working out my words while typing or saying them because a wise professor taught me that much suffering takes people to a place where words end. 

So it must be for those still grieving in Portland. After the attacks on the MAX a few days ago many are no doubt frightened and overwhelmed. This is the aim and result of terror. What has stood out to me is that this story does have a different spin. Two of the men who died and one who was wounded were standing up to the crazed rantings of a bully. This is my decision about the best way to characterize the attacker. Anyone who shouts hatred at a person for their skin color or religion or sex or sexual orientation or any other characteristic (regardless of how much or little that characteristic is true or defines that person) is a bully. So this bully was confronted and he reacted violently in a way that ended the lives of two people and will no doubt alter the lives of many more. Apparently he has been quoted as saying, “I hope everyone I stabbed died.” Please balance this against the alleged last words of one of the victims,Taliesin Myrddin Namkai-Meche, who said, “Tell everyone on this train I love them.”

Bullying presents problems for a society. It should be combatted with all the resources a culture has at its disposal. Victims of bullying can turn into bullies themselves and set about doing harm to somehow payback what was done to them. I remember when the killings at Columbine High School happened and many of us were told that those responsible had been bullied. I have been bullied, and I have also bullied others. I have worked with bullies and remained silent. I fear that American culture is built too much on the myth that the only way to counter a bully is with force and to return violence with more violence. I also fear that bullies are too often allowed to continue their behavior which is sometimes spun as success. There will sadly be some people who celebrate the actions of the bully in Portland because they share his warped ideology or nonsensical xenophobia. There are those who choose his way of death as opposed to the way of love and life. Death never wins, and it won’t defeat bullies. Only love has any shot of turning someone’s hatred in on itself. 

I often think about Lakeshore, the camp which has formed so much of my identity, when I think about solutions to the world’s deepest hurts. I try to pattern the campus ministry I lead after the lessons of love and inclusion I learned at camp. What generally sticks with me most is that, as far as I could tell, everyone at camp was included and loved. Campers who had disabilities were reminded regularly that God and we (the camp leaders and staff) love them fully. There were also special camps for those who had suffered abuse or were coming from difficult situations and therefore needed special attention. I worked one summer in a more focused way with that camp, and bullying was something we fought daily with love. I have said to many people that if everyone had the experience that I had and that we all sought to provide at Lakeshore, the world wouldn’t have nearly as much and perhaps not any violence. When everyone is treated with love, dignity, and grace hatred suffocates and hurting someone else is unimaginable. I hope the people of Portland will continue to respond with love in the face of this tragedy and may we all follow their example.