counting down and counting crows

so "counting crows" is one of my favorite bands, and yet i constantly forget this and how much i truly love lots of their stuff. of course, this time of year i always remember "a long december." it has one of the greatest opening lines to any song, and certainly a fitting one when turning over a new (secular/pagan) year (since we Christians started our year like a month ago). so it's my standard line and has been for some time, and it's as much a prayer as i usually have in me for a new year - in kind of an irish way:

"a long december, and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last."

but then the other day i was driving and "holiday in spain" came on. it hit me, for the first time, that my favorite line (verse) from that song would be perhaps even more appropriate. so here goes - for a new year - a new, old line.

"well happy new year's baby. we could probably fix it if we clean it up all day. or we could simply pack our bags and catch a plane to barcelona cause this city's a drag. i may...take a holiday in spain, leave my wings behind me - flush my worries down the drain and fly away to somewhere new. take a holiday in spain, leave my wings behind me - drive this little girl insane and fly away to someone new."

i could be wrong

something has been bothering me for a while, but obviously not enough to keep me from forgetting to write about it (or anything for that matter). but there's a saying that's getting more play lately about an elephant in the room. i think it's meant to convey a serious issue that people are completely ignoring rather than addressing. if so, it's one of the worst metaphorical images ever. i mean, would anyone be able to ignore an elephant in the room with them? would they even go into a room with an elephant or have an elephant come into their room without bolting out the window?

regardless, the problem i'm having is with the twisting of this simple phrase. i've heard several times someone speak of "the white elephant in the room." i don't think the elephant's race matters, but i do believe this confuses the simple elephant in the room with a white elephant gift - which if memory serves is just a crappy gift (used maybe for dirty santa or yankee swap or exchange the white elephant gift).

then the other day, i heard on a network news show (not surprising) something about "a 400 lb elephant in the room." this is dumb on many levels. first, i'm pretty sure it's a 400 lb gorilla. second, i mean really, maybe an elephant's leg weighs 400 lbs. maybe it might weigh that in the first week of its life. but elephants weigh several tons. a person could weigh 400 lbs, which should be a pretty good clue an elephant likely doesn't.

i know it's not a big deal or anything, but it just bothers me that information has never been easier to attain and yet everyone - especially the "experts" - seem to be getting dumber by the minute. i guess ease begets laziness and a complete lack of concern regarding accuracy. after all, as ringo said, "it don't come easy." or was it george?

get candy!

a few weeks ago i noticed a candy bowl in my friend lora jean's office. it was full of yummy starbursts - one of my favorite candies. this brought about a crucial question for me: what is the best kind of community candy to put in a bowl? i think it might be starbursts. first, they draw immediate attention because of their bold colors. second, they are individually wrapped. this helps prevent the spread of germs by allowing people to root through the bowl (if red ones - the best - are not easily accessible) and not poison another person's candy. finally, they are amazing.

so here's a new poll - just in time for all hallows eve. please choose the best community candy. remember, this is the best candy to put in a hypothetical bowl in your alleged office and have random freeloaders steal from. it'd be great if you'd leave a comment explaining the motives for your answer or your choice if you select "other."

whatcha listening to?

i think i used to have things pretty put together when it comes to music. i'd be all over stuff when it was about to come out or even before it came out. i used to go to tons of concerts. the last year or so though, not so much. i guess i was reminded of this not so long ago when someone asked me what i'd been listening to lately - like i still had it together, and i was sampling new genres and stuff. i'm not sure if i was honest or not, but lately i've just been going with stuff i've heard in movies or on tv (commercials even). so here's the last five songs i downloaded from itunes and some explaining. let me know your last five and if you have it more together than i do.

5. high flying bird - elton john. so weird, i went on this big elton john kick in high school. bought like all his albums. but i'd never heard this song at all until i heard it in the background of a show a few minutes ago. good stuff.

4. come to me (peace) - mary j. blige. there was this "live from abbey road" special on one of the directv stations that had mary j, james blunt, and dashboard confessional. the live version of this song was unreal. i've heard her on lots of things, but i've never appreciated how great her voice is.

3. the mountains win again - blues traveler. yeah, i definitely had this album when it first came out and listened to it all the time. this was my favorite song on it. no idea where the album is now - got lost in a move maybe. but the song was on a coors commercial or something, and i remembered how great it was. it's really great to scream out the high notes while riding your scooter. prove me wrong.

2. robots - flight of the conchords. i have it on dvd, but the "with traces of lead" part made it necessary to download to the ipod. genius.

1. simple man - graham nash. i'm guessing this guy was a member of crosby, stills, nash, and young. never heard the song before, and it's in the opening of the movie "reign over me" which was really pretty great. don cheadle can't really miss in my eyes. gorgeous song.

to those outside, everything comes in parables (or songs)

"just a little something for the pain. hospital food getting you down? honey now i'm not one to complain, but this hangin' around is wearing me out. so patch me up boys take me home. are you not hearing a word i say? she sounds so different on the phone. i just sink like a stone - back to the day. tell me something. tell me something i don't already know. tell me something. tell me something i don't know." -david gray

No Way Airlines

i guess i've been pretty lucky when it comes to flying. i've rarely had a flight delayed, and i think i've only ever had one flight canceled outright. so the complaining that ensues is really much closer to spoiled brat whining, but i'm going to share it nonetheless.

so i'm flying back from seann and elizabeth's wedding (in houston), and i have to fly to memphis and then to nashville. "but david," you might ask "didn't you leave nineveh in jackson? and isn't memphis only an hour from jackson whereas nashville is two hours from jackson? why would you just fly directly from houston to memphis and drive to jackson to get nineveh?" such a reasonable question with an answer that is anything but reasonable: it's roughly twice as expensive to fly directly from memphis to houston than to fly from nashville to memphis to houston, and that's with gas as a variable!

so the flight from houston to memphis was delayed - no biggie. they projected that we would take off in plenty of time to make my connection. well, how glad i was when we actually were set to take off earlier than anticipated. piece of cake. but then, there was weather. it started drizzling in houston. i know - big panic. texas isn't used to rain. but seriously - i didn't see lightning once or anything serious. yet according to our pilot, the entire airport closed down. this was a little fishy considering the fed ex planes taking off left and right on the runways beside us as well as the american airlines planes three of which took off while we sat grounded.

finally we got the "okay" from God or whoever makes the rain, and we took off. it was gonna be close. well, we landed with about twenty minutes for me to get to my nashville bound plane. i wasn't really that concerned because the memphis airport isn't that colossal, and i knew it fairly well. but here comes the best part: they had made us check anything larger than a hamster at the planeside check-in thingy. well, normally that wouldn't be so big a deal because they typically just throw those bags up on the gate platform (bridge? i don't know air terms) and you grab em as you deplane (i know that one!). well, not this time. i guess because we had been delayed, and things weren't so hot they thought they'd be extra courteous to us and put all our bags on that little elevator thingy and pull it right up to the gate. only problem is, that really screwed most of the people who had mere minutes to make the next flight because it took them SO LONG to get the bags on that thing and get it around there. i was literally standing there with people who were saying "and i just missed my flight" when they clearly would have had time to make it had the people with the bags been equipped with basic reasoning and logic.

so i got my bags with literally one minute to make my plane. i sprinted from terminal a to terminal b (in chacos mind you) and saw my gate. no one was there. i yelled at the next gate down something that sounded like "tha mah play" (i'm not a sprinter). someone came over and quickly called the plane and told them to wait - he was truly helpful, and i wish i had tipped him. he ended up opening the door of the plane for me (unassailably cool i think).

so yeah, i ended up making the flight - and i kinda felt like batman...a batman with burning lungs.

so here's the part where you get to play along. i won't give the name of the airline i flew and won't fly again - but the initials are NWA. so you try and come up with a slogan wittier than mine (shouldn't be hard).

hands off my ice cream

disclaimer: this will likely be the most seinfeldesque post i've ever written. proceed cautiously.

so what's the deal with hand dipped ice cream? i can't remember the first time i saw a sign telling me an ice cream was hand dipped, but i remember being confused. i mean, what's the point? i suppose it does distinguish a certain kind of ice cream from another, say soft serve or homemade. but i think there's also this arrogance like people are going to extra trouble to hand dip this stuff. like i should be impressed that you had to scoop the ice cream. and really, is that any more work than twisting the cone under the spout of the soft serve? if anything, i think making a good twisty cone is harder.

well the other day i seriously heard the most moronic extension of this marketing: hand spun milkshakes. really? you mean you actually went to the trouble to hold a cup in your hand as a machine mixed the stuff around. robots didn't do this? oh, well then i'll have one. i was on the fence, but now that i know what enormous trouble you went to, sign me up.

i'm living suede.